Victor Borkowski's Journal: Keep Out!

Letters were dropped off at various doors.

( Pip, Pippi, Alphonse, Nadia, Ivanova, Lana, Paige, Blair, Molly, Zero, Anders, Cally )



( Walter )



( OOC )

"Walter!" Victor yelled, sitting upright as he woke from his nightmare. Sweaty and shaking, he put his face in his hands and started crying.

It had been horrible. He and Walter had been fighting a gang of vampires, and had been doing a good job of defending themselves. Suddenly, one had latched on to him and held his arms so the others could beat him up. And Walter...

Walter had just lit a cigarette and watched. And grinned.

"Oh, God...why?" he cried, wishing that for once he wouldn't feel so empty and alone. A faint warmth played on the edge of his soul, but he ignored it for now. There was no way the memory of Jean-Paul could help him now.

He wondered if Walter was feeling the same way, if the same boulder was lodged in his chest...if he even cared at all. Was he crying as well, or was he laughing, standing back and watching Victor slowly die? Or was he having fun eating chocolate and dancing on the roof?

It took a while, but Victor was finally able to compose himself enough to get up and get ready for school. He knew deep in his heart that it was going to be a loooong day.

Victor woke up with a wrenching in his gut and reflexively whiped any tears off his face. He'd dreamt that he ans Walter were on a beach. The sun was bright and the water was cool and they were so happy together. So happy...

He was confused to find a few chocolate eggs on his bed, and for a second believed that Walter was trying to surprise him. Then, he heard the annoucements.

Well, shit.

"This is never gonna end, is it?" he asked, looking up to the celing and pretending he was talking to God. "I mean...is it always gonna hurt like this?" Of course, there was no answer, but Victor figured someone would answer when he or she or whatever God was was ready to.

He'd left his computer on all night, he realized when he heard music coming from over near his desk. A techno song was playing:

"People never tell you
The way they truly feel
I would die for you gladly
If I knew it was for real..."

"Fuck this shit," Victor grumbled, and got up to turn the sound off. He was starting to get really tired of breakup music. Right now, he just wanted to relax and process what was going on, and figure out what he could do to get Walter back. When he reached the computer, though, he saw that he had an email. With a curious look, he opened his mailbox, then smiled a little when he saw that it was from Paras.

( Email )

Victor frowned at the mention of his boyfriend. "You mean ex," he muttered, then shook his head. "No, Vic, you can't think like that. You'll find a way to make him see." With a sigh, he leaned forward and typed a reply:

( Reply )

Victor shut down his laptop and rubbed his eyes again. He had a feeling that it was going to be a looong day.

[ooc: Contents of the emails are NFB, but everything else is. if anyone wants to stop by, they can.]

Most of the time when he was depressed, Victor slept through it. After what had happened last night, one would think that he'd be sleeping for the next week. However, after the dream he'd had, he really didn't feel like going back to sleep. So, instead, he'd tuned into on online radio station conviniently named Breakup Mix and laid down under his covers, staring at the ceiling and emoing.

Last night he'd cried for hours, kneeling naked in the shower as he broke down. Waler breaking up with him had been so sudden, so unexpected. At first, he'd blamed himself for bringing up the subject of hurting each other in the first place. Over the past hour, though, he was beginning to see that he wasn't really to blame. Walter had just suddenly decided that being with Victor wasn't worth the risks involved, and had basically chickened out. Apparantly, the life they'd made together over the months they'd been together wasn't strong enough to keep Walter around.

He was in the middle of anger and self-pity, and he hated it. He just wanted to crawl up in a ball and wait for all the pain to go away, but he knew he couldn't. After his dream...well, he just couldn't.

His phone rang, but he ignored it, especially as the thought that it might be Walter made his gut wrench. It probably wasn't, but...he shook his head and focused on the music instead. Anything to get Walter out of his head for two seconds.

Today I woke up and you were gone
The whole day wondering what I did wrong
It's like I'm falling from a mountaintop
My heart keeps pounding and it won't stop

Can you see this hell I'm living
I'm not giving up...

Okay, maybe that wasn't the best idea.

[ooc: Lyrics are from Default's "Deny". Totally for broadcast, and anyone who wants to talk with Victor (and find out about the breakup) can stop by. It might take a little bit to get him to open the door, though.]

The hot water felt good against Victor's skin, and the spray of the showerhead kneaded away some of the tension in his neck.

Today had sucked.

After last night's argument, and today's Math class, and the chat room mindfuck that he'd just gone through a few minutes ago, Victor was in dire need of some relaxation.

If only fate would oblige.

[ooc: The door is free to be knocked on, or entered if one has a key. Y'know, if anyone wants to come over. Also, NFB, because the events within came completely out of the blue.]

It was late, and it was Friday, two things that would usually mean that Victor would be out doing something other than sitting at his laptop and hanging out in his favorite gay teen chat room. Funny how life works out sometimes.

These tears I've cried
I've cried a thousand oceans
And if it sees I'm holding you down
I'm down as well

I can't believe
That I would keep
Keep you from flying
And I would cry
A thousand more
If that's what it takes
To sail you home...

If Victor's choice of music didn't make it obvious, he was depressed. After all, yesterday had been going so well...

( Cut for long IM-fest )

The window closed by itself as Paras logged out of the chat room entirely, and Victor was left with a confused expression on his face. "What was that all about?" he wondered out loud, and logged out of the room himself. He thought about turning his music back on, but decided against it. At the moment, what he needed was a good shower.

(OOC: The fact that he was in his rooom and chatting online is cool for broadcast, but not the actual contents, please. Also, this post is locked, but I'll be making a non-locked one shortly.)

Victor was on the ceiling again, this time dancing on it. Serves him right for listening to an 80's radio station.

The door was unlocked in case anyone wanted to see him.

Like most of the past week, Victor was hanging out in his room. Unlike usual, though, his Playstation 2 wasn't even close to being turned on. Instead, he was dressed in his gym clothes, sweating it out by doing sit-ups on the ceiling.

If a certain individual wanted to stop by for a bit of slow play since I'm getting better at being sneaky, he'd definitely be welcome.

Ahh, Tuesday. The day when Victor only had one class, but it was gym, so it didn't really count. And what else does a teenager do on a mostly-free day? Oh yeah, veg out time!

If Walteranyone felt the need to I'm begging you to see him, he could probably be found starting up a game of Royal Hearts 2

[ooc: Usual slowplay issues, but after what's been going on lately, interaction is probably needed. I'll do what i can. :)]

Victor lay on his bed, playing Royal Hearts and munching on some Funyuns. It was the weekend, so he figured he'd just sit back and relax for a while today. His door was cracked open a little, if anyone cared.

[ooc: Feel free to stop by, but I warn you that this will be the slowest slowplay that ever slowed. I just want to establish that even though I'm not around like I used to be, Victor still is.]

Victor waited in his room, hoping that Walter would show up. He hadn't been able to find his boyfriend for a couple days now, which was weird. Even after the radio broadcast, though, he wasn't jealous or anything. He just kind of missed his boyfriend...

[ooc: Soooooooooooooooo NWS now. Like usual.]

Good News: I got back to Job Corps in time to go to my volunteer shift at Phoenix Gay Pride!

Bad News: That means that I won't be catching up on my loose interactions nor making new ones until I get back to my dorm tonight.

Sorry I didn't post this earlier; I didn't know until last night if I was going to be able to go or not.

Victor had just printed out the new Shark vocabulary sheet, and was waiting for Walter to stop by so they could study it.

[ooc: Open to Walter, mainly. Anyone else can stop by if they want.]

Victor lay on his bed, reading a comic book to help clear his mind after a busy day. So far, he'd made amends with Belthazor, been attacked by a crayon, visited Edmund and Alfred, and meditated with Blair. Not to mention what had happened in the hallway this afternoon. He sighed and set his comic aside, then rolled over and looked at the ceiling. He still had two other people he had business with, but wondered how he was going to handle them. Neither business was bad, really, but he was still uncertain what to do about each.

Maybe tomorrow would be easier.

[ooc: Open for interaction if you have business with Victor, but will probably be slowplay because I'm headed to bed soon.]

Victor headed toward the cafeteria, glad that he'd been able to knock another person off his list and hoping that he'd be able to see all his friends in one place today. If not, he'd probably have to hold a mini-party or something to get them all together.

Suddenly, something small smacked him in the forehad, and he went flying backward. He managed to keep his head up so it didn't bash into the ground, but the rest of him hit the tile floor with a thump. "What the fuck?" he mumbled, and looked around for who had thrown something at him.

But there was no one else in the hall.

"Huh?" Victor wondered, and tried to get up. He stopped, however, when he finally noticed a strange pressure on his forehead. At first, he thought it was just a reaction to being smacked in the head, but then he noticed that the pressure was...writing? He put his hand to his head, and was surprised to find something small and thin moving along it. Quickly, he grabbed it, and his eyes bugged when he saw a red crayon wriggling in his hand.

Then, the announcements came on, and he finally understood. "Oh, so you're the angry little crayon. What did you-OW!" Victor dropped the crayon as a sharp pain pierced his hand. "Did you just fucking bite me?" But the crayon didn't respond. Instead, it bounced off quickly, looking for its next victim.

"Fuck" Victor muttered, and rubbed his hand. There was a definite bite mark, and a little bit of blood, so he went to the bathroom to go wash his hand. When he was at the sink, though, he finally saw in the mirror what the crayon had written. "Needs Improvement? Well, ain't that fucking ironic?" he grumbled as he washed his hand, and he rubbed some water on the crayon to try to wash it off.

But it wouldn't come off.

"What?" He tried scrubbing harder, but still no change. Paper towels didn't help, either. "So what am I supposed to do, just leave it there all day?" He glared at his reflection, then brightened as he got an idea. He focused, and soon his skin blended the writing away. He grinned, then dried his hands and held a paper towel over the bite to stop the bleeding until he could get to the doctor's office. As he headed back down the hall, he kept an eye out for the magical crayon, but it looked as if it'd run off to go choose a new victim.

He kind of hoped it was Anakin.

After an exhausting day, Victor decided to go to bed early. So far he'd gotten in a fight with Nadia, tried to apologize to Rory and horribly failed, and got a lecture from Alfred. He hugged a pillow tight as he tried to figure out what he was going to do about all this...conflict in his life. Somehow, life seemed a million times harder, and there wasn't anything to do about it. Letting Rory be rude to him had hurt a lot, but what could he do about it, really? Sic Walter on her? Then Anakin would get involved, then more of Victor's friends, then more of Rory's friends, until the whole school would be split in two over one girl. That's not something he wanted. What he wanted was some fucking peace in his life, dangit!

He found himself wondering why God had given him this life, and what he was being punished for. But then his better judgement took hold, and he thought instead that maybe it was a sign from God. He closed his eyes and prayed for Jesus to show him the way to peace, to show him what He wanted. When he finished, his problems were still there, but he felt a little...better about it. He smiled, then rolled over and tried to go to sleep.

If his prayers were answered, he didn't know. But maybe all he needed was a little faith.

[ooc: Technically, Walter may inturrupt in light of what happened at Caritas. Everyone else, please stay away.]

Victor was sitting in his room, looking over the letter that he'd found slipped under his door. By the time he finished it, he felt a little drained. He understood where Rory was coming from, but he still thought that the note was still a litle bit uppity.

"But does it really matter?" he sighed to himself. He, like Rory, wanted thier battle to be over, and sometimes sacrifices had to be made for the greater good. So, he just let it slide, and decided to take it as just the way she acted.

At least something was going okay today.

[ooc: Open to a certain little lady, though just about anyone can stop by in they want to.]

Victor had been up late last night, trying to figure out what he was going to do about his problem with Rory. When his mind had wandered to how an X-Men would handle it, though, he had gotten an idea. In his Leadership class, they had had a lecture on conflict resolution, and he had figured that maybe it was time to apply what he had learned.

So, after an hour of letter-writing and some research in the student directory, he stood in front of Rory's door with an envelope and a cd case, both of which he slipped under her door. In the case was footage from the teal deer benefit brunch the day before. The envelope, though, held something very different.


( To Rory )


As Victor walked away, he hoped that he wasn't somehow making the situation worse.

Victor sat at his laptop, typing away in a gay teen chatroom. Currently, he was helping this girl, Sarah, figure out what to do about this woman she liked. Bot was on the desk, watching since there were a lot of noce colors on the screen.

The door was open a little for when Walter came over or in case a certain someone wanted to make an apology for being a punk lately.

[Hey, look! NWS now! Like it even matters, though...it's not like anyone's watching. or are they?]